There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
