i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
