I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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