So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
