I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
