last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
