I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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