i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
