I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
