yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
