it hurts more in the daytime
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
