My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
