her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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