I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
