I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
