i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
