I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
