I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
