I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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