Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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