I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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