Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
