I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
