what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
