Tell her she can't have a vagina
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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