every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
