Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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