are you still at the devil's house?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
