Screwed.edu
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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