i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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