my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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