I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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