I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
