you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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