just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
