You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am one with the molecules
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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