We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
