how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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