wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
