I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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