Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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