So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
