I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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