last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
