Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
