I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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