Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
