I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
