drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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