Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
