had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
