Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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