...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
