Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
