they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
