She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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