Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
