oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
